“I’m Triggered”: A Call to Radical Responsibility

How Radical Responsibility Builds Real Trust at Work

There was a time in my life when I was laser-focused on doing the "right thing"—and just as quick to judge others when I thought they weren’t. Underneath it all, perfectionism was driving the bus—desperate to avoid saying or doing anything that might upset, or “trigger” someone else, convinced that if I got it exactly right, I could stay safe.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was taking responsibility for other people’s systems—their feelings, their discomfort, their reactions. I had quietly handed over the reins of my own emotional and physiological state in the process, constantly scanning and adjusting to manage what wasn’t mine. I thought I was being thoughtful, even kind. But really, I was abandoning myself.

And I see it all the time in the workplace (and life).

Someone says, “I’m triggered,” or “You triggered me,” and suddenly the room tightens. People shift into protection mode. Conversations stall. Others rush to fix, appease, or silence themselves. Not because they’ve done something intentionally harmful—but because someone is having a valid, but internal, response to a stimulus. The impulse is understandable: we want to be kind, inclusive, trauma-informed.

But there’s a real cost to mistaking stimulus for wrongdoing—especially in leadership. When we confuse discomfort with harm, we collapse conversations that could grow us.

These moments are a fork in the road: do we collapse into reactivity, or do we lean into presence and courage?

The Setup: Stimulus vs. Response

Let’s set the stage.

A stimulus happens—words are said, a decision is made, a tone is used. One person might have a strong internal reaction, while others in the room remain open, grounded, and curious. What then? Who are you responsible to? Who gets to decide what’s safe?The difference isn't in the stimulus; it’s in the internal response systems of those involved.

This is not about invalidating anyone’s experience. Quite the opposite: it’s about honoring our experience enough to take full responsibility for it.

When we say, “You triggered me,” we may be trying to communicate something vulnerable—but the phrasing subtly places blame. The unspoken message is often, “You shouldn’t have said/done that,” or “You’re responsible for how I feel right now.”

It sounds self-aware. It can even feel vulnerable. But often, it’s a sideways move—a way to hand off our discomfort rather than hold it with care.

And in doing so, we teach ourselves to seek control of others instead of building regulation within ourselves.

The Cost of Trying to Avoid Triggering Others

In workplace culture, this dynamic can quietly but powerfully undermine presence, collaboration, and authenticity. People begin tiptoeing. Leaders become overly cautious. Innovation stalls. Candor gets replaced by performative responses.

Instead of staying present, people spend precious time and energy trying not to trigger anyone. That’s a losing game.

You can do or say something—maybe even with intention and care—that results in one person saying, “I’m triggered,” while five others are nodding, engaged, or even energized. What then? Who are you responsible to? Who gets to decide what’s safe?

This is the moment so many leaders freeze. Not because they don’t care—but because they do. And they don’t want to cause harm. But over-correcting in the name of safety can quietly erode the very trust and growth we're working to build.

Because the answer isn't to try to control the stimulus; it's to take responsibility for our own internal systems and to relate to others from that empowered place.

The Shift: From “Triggered” to Responsible

This isn’t about suppressing emotion or bypassing pain. It’s about feeling our feelings, getting curious about what’s happening inside us, and revealing from a place of ownership.

Here’s what that might sound like:

Instead of:

“You triggered me.”

Try:

“I noticed I had a strong reaction to what was said. I’m feeling tight in my chest and some fear is coming up. Can I take a minute?”

It’s a small but radical shift. You’re not blaming. You’re not demanding. You’re staying present and owning what’s yours.

PRACTICE: Four Tools for Staying Present in the Face of Discomfort

• Pause + Breathe: When something stirs you up, take a breath. Ground yourself. Interrupt the auto-response.

• Feel Without Fixing: Notice where the sensation is in your body. Let it move through without needing to act on it.

• Get Curious: Ask yourself, “What is this reaction about for me? What story, fear, or need is underneath this?”

• Reveal From Presence: Share what’s happening for you without making others wrong or responsible. Use language that owns your experience.

The real issue isn’t what stirs us—it’s how we choose to meet it.

This Isn’t Just About Work. It’s About Being Human.

I’ve seen this dynamic in boardrooms and living rooms. With colleagues, and with people I love. The setting changes, but the temptation is the same: to manage the stimulus instead of meeting the self.

Whether it’s in a meeting or at the dinner table, the fork in the road is always there: Will I outsource my safety, or will I turn inward and lead from presence?

The Invitation

Radical responsibility doesn’t mean you won’t have strong reactions. It means you don’t give your power away when you do.

At StartHuman, we practice building the kind of presence that makes space for emotion and accountability. The kind that allows for discomfort without collapse.

Because the real shift isn’t just about leading others differently. It’s about learning to lead yourself—with courage, curiosity, and care.

That changes everything.

What if your next trigger was an invitation to lead from presence?